um. I am not quite over it yet.

Don't know how to put this in a more believe-able way, but things have been super unnaturally weird.

During the funeral, I felt chills all over my body quite a few times. Then my mum said to ignore it because it's 'those things' and it was normal to have them around us in the house. Okay fine, I kept praying in my heart.

Then I came back KL, and since then ..until today, I still feel them! Before everything that had happened, I never felt chills before! Maybe once a year, or never.

But it's happening really often now. Sometimes my whole body feels the chills suddenly, if not my body it's my legs, sometimes my hands,and sometimes my head.

Then I am sleeping less. 5 hours a day. Once woken up, I am extremely awake. I tried sleeping early once, at 12am, but I had 4 nightmares in a row, waking up after every nightmare and felt sick throughout the whole day.

I am also easily tired. Worst than before. I became more quiet/introvert (according to Panda-but ever since she told me that, I tried to talk more). I don't genuinely smile nor laugh anymore. I don't take pictures anymore on my camera, only do when people reminded me.I prefer talking to older people, in fact I suddenly enjoyed talking to them. Meeting people around my age doesn't really excite me anymore.

Maybe because the older people can relate to me. They actually understand how I feel and they especially have been through more than me. Like how I talked to Eddie's parents, especially his mother...she was very understanding. Somehow they tend to be more religious? and know what to expect, and would've predicted what I felt anyways?Enjoyed talking to his mum and my own mother, they are two of the few people that made me sound/feel normal, not some insane psycho that lost her mind.

Actually, I am in the state whereby if someone out there tells me the same thing I am telling everybody about the funeral... and if I didn't go through this, I would find it quite stupid and brush it off as a tell-a-tale.

But I did and am seeking for explanation. I didn't use to believe in these much, but right now its like I totally almost 100% believe that 'they' do exist. I am still digesting all these. I used to believe that when we all die, we all will just go *poof*-erased from any form of existence. Just like bacterias that died. You'll never see them ever again. Things proved otherwise.

Every time I tell people about the funeral, from top to toe, it always comes with the chilly feeling.Yesterday I was telling a friend in Manhattan Fish Market restaurant at Curve, I felt the chills all over my body. Today I told another friend during pingpong/frisbee playing, I felt chills on my hand. While taking some meat and vegetable to put on my bowl for dinner at home just now, I felt like a cat just ran through my legs.

Since today is the 15th, my mum prayed quite a lot of stuffs, she call me to bathe with the flowers she prayed to ward off 'stuffs'.

But I googled all the symptoms that I felt....articles all said that I am suffering from anxiety/stress, anemia or low blood sugar. lol. Could be true as I did went through the hellish 10days whereby I was really scared almost every second,whenever I am in the house I was staying in Penang.

I would even open the door while bathing or peeing/shitting if I was allowed to do so. My mum will be the first to scream and shout or even turn blind, cause she's the one who has been waiting right outside my toilet door talking to me as I bathe or use the toilet.

ok enough.

So fast it's 31st December already. Tomorrow will be year 2010. I will be spending the first night of 2010 at Eddie's place, with Panda and another girl friend. Lucky him.

Happy New Year in advance!