2O12.

Every year without fail, I'll make resolutions, same old new ones.  Resolutions from past years that didn't resolve will be brought forward to this year !!! 

But I am already in my mid 20s. I guess, its the time to stop acting like a baby. So I will therefore,

1) Act like my real age....

2) KICK start my career.

3) Be completely $$$ independent.

4) Learn to accept everyone's flaws and stop complaining

5) Slim down....YET AGAIN. 

But this time I am serious (as with every beginning of a new year, where u feel more determined haha).

But I think I am really serious this time. Time is not waiting for me, if I continue the same lifestyle, I will never be able to look better if I continue procrastinating. Wrinkles ARE popping (and so are pimples WTF) . 

Since I am going to be away from Eddie, this means I will have a lot more time for myself and I am going to spend every minute of it, improving myself not only physically but intellectually!

Anyway.... I wanna aim for ...

 \

A really, really tone body. Not muscular, but tone, exactly like the one above. 

I don't know how I am going to do it, but right now...its now or never T.T Hopefully I earn enough to hire a personal trainer, or get a good gym buddy ^^ We can help motivate each other yo !!!  If not, I'll be running alone 247 in the gym/at home ........

I remember last time when I was skinnier...I wasn't happy with the way I looked even though I have reached my targeted weight... I was extremely flabby. So right now I'll aim for tone and of course lose a lot bit of the excess fats.

Too high a target ? I hope by end of 2012, I'll be at least half way...

PS. im really really excited to be going back to Malaysia for good :D:D:D 

Am I fat?

Is the question I ask my boyfriend EVERY FRICKEN DAY we talk to each other.

Not only that, I also asks if

"I put on weight"


"My make up is nice"


"I look good in this"


"He noticed my double eyelid" (sometimes I wake up with double eyelids but nowadays my double eyelids are kinda permanent :D )


Why?

Because we're insecure like that.

I know, not every girl is like me, and not every guy can tolerate this.

But, a positive remark WILL make me/us feel better.

Some of us are so insecure, even a 1mm increase on our eyelids, we jump for joy and feel prettier already. Guys hit on us, we can brag whole day and whole night, but if someone insults us, we'll remember it and feel crappy till the end of time.

Well, maybe I am extreme. Cause all my LIFE, I've been judged based on my looks.

When I was obese - talk of the town, slimmed down - talk of the town & society nowadays isn't very kind. It should make me stronger - true, but my scarred heart can only take so much.

=]

Again work has sucked the life and time out of me and also some drama at Twitter!

Had the biggest argument with one of my closest cousin ever over there but its over. We're good now. I have said things I should'nt have said and didn't meant things I said.

But ironicly, I was laughing 80% of the time!! I've been a very happy person of late. Except yesterday night when things got a bit serious, especially when some topic touched on my mom, and we argued until 4am (Aussie time)!

But glad things are cleared now.

Gawd, spent whole Saturday rotting in the room, finishing 1.5 pack of TIMTAMS (and 2kgs of blood oranges- no need to emphasize so much cause its not as deadly as chocolates in the diet world)!


F UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU chocolates for being freaking hell addictive! Won't buy you regardless of all the antioxidants you provide. Seriously, for all the calories it contains, people probably look younger from chocolate because it fattens you up and smoothen wrinkles rather than the antioxidant thingy.

Didn't exercise and all I did was EAT. Cause I don't know. Probably deserve a break for working 5 days a week, and also worked out after work that whole 5 days! It was freaking exhausting. Many times I exercised with my eyes half closed -_- Even my heart pumping and all, huffing and puffing, I was still tired but pushing myself. Stand whole day from 9/10am morning till almost 6pm for 5 days and exercised an hour + after that leh!

But feeling guilty. Next week's my birthday, probably celebrate with loads of food and then go back to square 1 =(

Nahhhhhhhh maybe not. Will slack only on my birthday!

I love my legs right now. More like thighs lah.  HAHAHAHAHA. Thanks , cardiovascular.

I used to feel that cellulite are growing all over, but exercise really did fight them off ! Tomorrow got to exercise again!!!! argh.

But have you ever feel that you look a couple years younger RIGHT after a good workout? Each time after exercising, I will look at myself in the full length mirror at gym ... albeit looking gross, sweat everywhere , but hair was pulled off my face and I can see every "pixel" of my face clearly.  Wrinkles was gone, pores was no where in sight...and I feel heaps happier! =D

But like an hour after that they come back la, but still...somehow I feel its fighting age off ! ^^

Healthy food taste bad?! Saying I have bad taste ar!

Reading this article : http://www.fooducate.com/blog/2010/11/28/40-of-shoppers-healthy-food-tastes-bad/

Proves that people are not knowledgeable when it comes to what to consume, and what is healthy , what nots.

I won't deny the fact that unhealthy food is yummy, I just had 3 BOWLS OF PORK FLOSS FOR SUPPER AT MIDNIGHT!! I was tempted to eat it at 9-10pm, but told myself, I shouldn't ..but when the clock strikes 12am, hell broke loose. I binged instead thus 3 BOWLS of :

Moral of the story...don't be too strict on yourself T.T

But that doesn't mean healthy food is not nice. Ya, trying to call me a hypocrite cause I ate something unhealthy while claiming healthy food is yummy and why am I not eating healthy food as supper.

I just had a particular craving for pork floss. I always have cravings, be it as healthy as tomatoes, apples (finished 2 bags of apples in 4 days =/ had 3 apples for dinner just now), muesli.. to as unhealthy as chips, french fries and pork floss.

How hard is it to prepare healthy tasty meal? Just throw all the raw food together in a saucepan , stir fry it , when done, sprinkle with sea salt/ chilli powder/ herbs/ freshly grind black pepper etc! At least that's what I've been having. Or throw everything into a pot and make soup.

When it comes to grocery shopping, just choose food that is at its original form, not packaged ..ie. meat that turned into frozen nuggets/sausages(try to avoid sausages!! loads of preservatives and are made of bad, rejected meat that are seasoned heavily) , or potatoes that turn into frozen chips...etc.

Oats, muesli , nuts..they are super yummy to me! In fact I love healthy food so much until they become unhealthy for me cause.. I consume too much lor.

Like few weeks ago, I got addicted to this super fibre that I sprinkle on my muesli..ate too much of them and didn't drink a lot of water = constipation,uneasy bowel + bloated.

I love nuts so much...they get me really addicted to them and I can finish 500g (half a kg!!!) of nuts within 2 days.

Manuka honey is yummy and its super healthy. What's so hard making them? Just take a spoonful and dilute it luke warm water. Easier than making coffee what.  Best is when you chill them after diluting them ...HEAVEN!!!! 

I don't really like gassy drinks as they make me burp A LOT, and well, sugary drinks make me guilty.

I like tea..chinese tea, green tea, jasmine tea. kuan yin tea...they are like flavoured water ! Not really a fan of English tea with its added milk and sugar.

Fish are just like other meat, they are freaking nice(ate fish everyday for 2 weeks when I first came to Canberra- was addicted to fish)! But why people prefer the tougher meat like beef, lamb, pork? Chicken and turkey also dam nice what. If ostrich meat is easily available, I will so buy them/ replace chicken with ostrich. Ostrich meat is freaking healthy one weh, and I ate them before, NICE!!

Maybe different people different preferences lah. But healthy food , apart from being yummy, it gives me a good feeling about what I've ate.

Like after eating a bag of chips or pork floss, my stomach got 1 weird feeling one...as oppose to eating 3 apples and feel good.

Maybe healthy food are slightly more expensive, but why eat super cheap processed food when you're going to succumb to sickness early and spend more on your medical bills in future?

Aiyooooo Health is Wealth ! 

Lesson not learnt.

Just 2 days ago, I weighed myself, and felt extremely depressed, cause I didn't see any significant weight loss, even though I look slimmer physically.

I whined, talked to a few people, asking them why did I gain weight instead?! In fact I weigh lighter when I was fatter. Don't tell me I have loads of muscles now after 5 weeks of exercising vigorously and work?! Why my fats are still as clingy as ever!?

Even though weight is just a number, as long as my physique improved....... but I have always been very dependent on the scales to give me a rough estimation if I lost weight or not...because I don't quite believe what people tell me. To me, whatever positive stuff anyone say to me, are just white lies.


Mirror = TRUTH! 

So whenever I say I am fat, I NEVER expect people to say "No la, you're so slim and pretty and tall and fair..etc" .

Anyway to cut the crap, yesterday I had a sinful dinner T.T

First staff meeting for Boost Juice, to introduce us the new manager. A few staff didn't turn up, a few staff left immediately after meeting...but the boss already ordered 6 pizzas !!!!

6 pizzas to share among 7 remaining people. Panda and I really wanted to leave, but we felt bad somehow cause we're quite close to out boss (heh, we're good at ass kissing).

We ate in the dark!! Picture quality sucky cause it's pictures are from my BB.

I had....5 sinful slices!!! :'( TBH, I can eat more, but I stopped at 5 slices. Why some girls eat so little ???Make me feel like a pig because I can finish 1 whole pizza by myself !!!!!

Well,  the calories of 5 pizza is equivalent to 1 k calories. Gosh, I am heavy and yet I ate 1k calories for dinner.

Went to gym after that nasty fatty meal until the gym close. Burnt about 700-800 calories on cardio !!! Was so guilty that I powered up on all my exercises (rowing, elliptical , threadmill) and burnt that amount of calories within 1 hour 20minutes! My highest personal record ever!!

Then today morning have cereals (200 cals) and a nut bar (225 cals) , lunch had Sumo smoke salmon salad half wrap ( 350 cals) and a few Boost smoothie (600 cals)  ...I think I kinda overshot my calories intake for today, so went to gym after work (-700 cals ), and had 1 nut bar (225cals), 3 apples (210 cals) and 2 orange (100cals).

In total I consumed 1210 calories today!! Sigh , my BMR is only 1.4k (meaning when I lie down on my bed whole day, my body burn only 1.4k calories).

T.T But apples and oranges should'nt be too damaging T.T

Health and grocery shopping!

I love going grocery shopping! In fact I do that like at least 5 times per week.  And the last time I shopped for clothes to change wardrobe was December last year. Can you believe that? I did buy 1 piece of T shirt this year, but that was my uniform for Passionflower, and money spent on that shirt was donated to the Queensland flood.

Usually after gym, I spend about at least 20minutes up to almost 2 hours on my own walking in Supabarn (main super market for Canberra). I really LOVE this place. It is bigger than Coles and Woolsworth (main supermarket for Melbourne), and there are way more varieties of stuffs in there! 

No thanks to my obsession with health lately, I never fail to come home with goodies. Discounted groceries makes me crazy. Few days ago, they had like AUD2 per pack of cherry tomatoes, I bought 8 boxes. -_-

There are just so many things I want to buy! Like Lecithin (for brain and cholesterol), more muesli, more fruits, and I buy cherry tomatoes almost on a daily basis. Just loveeee cherry tomatoes! 

So I am actually broke now because I cook at home, not cause I eat out.

But here's my "loot" for today! 

Iodised Sea Salt, Chili powder and black peppercorns! 

From what I know, about 2 billion people in the world suffers from iodine deficiency - meaning they are at risk of getting goiter (thick big necks). Our body needs very little amounts of iodine, but yet a lot of us don't usually consume them. They are mainly found in sea weed, fishes, and whatever from the sea.

Back in Melbourne, I always eat organic kelps for my daily dose of iodine. Whenever I cook, I'll throw in handful of them.

After moving to Canberra, I just feel uneasy. Panda's mother had goiter, and had to go through years of surgery to remove them. So I'll just do what I can to prevent them!

So benefits of Iodine Salt :
1) Improve Thyroid function
2) Improve Brain Function
3) Healthy pregnancies 
4) Fight depression 
5) Weight Control (woohoo)
6) Irritable Bowel Syndrome
7) Improve Appearance
8) Remove toxins
9) Fights cancer 
10) Heart Health 

Read more yourself from this webbie : http://www.3fatchicks.com/10-benefits-of-using-iodized-salt/

And I bought iodinised sea salt, not processed salt ! heh.


As for the chili powder, some spice in your food will increase metabolism, and if you eat super spicy, can increase up to 50% !

Lastly, the black peppercorns..the benefits read from here ! http://www.naturalremediesblog.net/top-10-health-benefits-of-black-pepper/

Don't want to bore anyone with so much facts !

Ok fine, I summarize :

1) Aid digestion

2) Help relieve cough and colds

3) Can fight cancer

4) MAY help in weight loss

5) Improve skin condition

6) Promotes absorption of nutrients

7) Fight tooth decay :O 

8) Natural anti-depressant

9) Antioxidant

10) Reduce inflammation.

My friend has the normal ground black pepper powder, but I prefer it if I grind it myself, hence buying the black peppercorn with the grinder on top. This is because some of the nutritional stuff in the black pepper can oxidize, so we're just eating for the taste, and it doesn't benefit us that much.

I cooked my dinner just now, used all 3 items that I bought up there. There was a really huge difference between using ready-grounded black pepper and the black pepper I grind fresh. The scent was stronger, the taste was more obvious and I didn't use a lot ! 

Ok this is getting too long.

Bai ! 

Muffin top ! :(

Didn't go to the gym yesterday and today...worse part is that, I felt chubbier already.

Been working a lot instead, and my body was extremely exhausted.

So was in the mood to watch Biggest Loser Australia 2011 today..the concept this season is really interesting. The personal trainers have to spend the first week, living in the house of the participants (ie obese people), eating what they eat, and not exercising at all.

It was a shocker...when they weigh themselves after 1 week.

All the personal trainers gained at least 5kgs A WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy #$@%$#%# !!!

I thought the more muscles you have, the higher your metabolism...some more the personal trainers didn't really eat exactly what the obese people eat..they puked it out..so how?! How did they gain 5kgs in A WEEK!

I don't want to exercise my life away (its really tiring), I want to eat food without counting the calories , so hard to enjoy life ! Either you eat happily and look really sad , or eat like a bird and look good.

Furthermore, in 3 weeks time, I'll be taking 1 week off gym , going for holidays (Sydney and Melbourne)...eating ....not really moving...I don't want to gain all the excess fats I've lost!!!

How to get the best of both worlds? :'(

But tomorrow I am going to the gym for hoursssss , to make up for lazy yesterday and today.

Oh oh, hehehe,

the pants I wore up there..

2 months ago when I was back in Melbourne...I can't even button that jeans pants! It was sooooo freaking tight, even breathing out all the air from my body + sucking the tummy, I just can't button it.

So I brought that pants over to Canberra, I tried it today, and woohoo, I can wear them again! =D Just that I have a slight.."muffin top" . hahahaha. 

Never mind, soon it'll be hanging off my butt like the picture up there! Just wait! 

Going to buy weighing machine soon! Panda and I have been in denial...and didn't dare to weigh ourselves, hence no weighing machine in Canberra at all ! Another 1 more month...I'll be buying it no matter what ! 

T.T When can I eat real food.

If the world really ends 5 months later (according to some preacher - read from CNN) or even next year, I'll be really pissed.

Gone were the days where I eat real junk food.

Mc Donald's apple pie  (got this picture off internet). I love Mc D's apple pies. =( 

AND 

Cheesecake - my ultimate favourite cake flavour T.T

Going on a diet is sosososoooooooooooooooooo hard ! 

Now I have to live with these :

Boohoo. T.T 

Doesn't really taste like the real thing but minus the guilt.

Sigh, but never mind, persevere and results will come T.T 

My body's in pain but I like it =]

Two days ago, after work (5.30pm), after working out ( 7.30pm) and after dinner (fish and veggies ) went for a girls night out. Boy, I had a great time, but how I wish I didn't indulge in fast food and loads of alcohol.

I had at least 3 drinks :

Had to help Panda drink because her tolerance for alcohol is horrible !

My new friend from Canberra and I  :

SHE'S ACTUALLY FROM GEELONG, MELBOURNE! My "hometown" in Australia!  Funny how we meet in Canberra, and her primary school (Roslyn Primary School) is the kids school I walk past to get home everyday in 2008. Nostalgic.

Well, Melbourne club is shit. In Canberra, after club hopping 3 times (every club is walking distance from each other), I've found one comparable to the clubs in KL !!!

 It's called Academy.

Freaking niceeeeeeee, music's good, ambience is beautiful. Only thing is that it's AUD5 per entry, BOOO. Every other club in Canberra its FREE to enter. But beats Melbourne club anytime, cause Melbourne's expensive, AUD15 AT LEAST ! And the ambience....kinda sucks, they never improve!

Pizza sellers outside :

 It was tempting.

It's like every shop was calling out to me to buy PIZZA, and it's only AUD2 or AUD3 (depending on flavours and shops) per slice ! Cheap and yummy looking.

Melbourne should have this! Rather than us all having to go to Melbourne Central to have our supper after clubbing. Actually, maybe not. Cause we might still be tempted to go to restaurants, after eating a slice of pizza outside club. That'll be adding calories !

Better be the one selling then! Good money I assume cause so many people were doing it!

Well, time to weigh my 'food sins' now. Its bad :( The amount of alcohol I consumed its at least 500-600 calories over there. Since I have calories deficit cause I went to the gym before, it's all good.

Until I decided to eat McDONALDS.

My friend wanted to pig-out and she bought a lot ! Imagine 20 piece McNuggets, 1 Chicken McBites (something like popcorn chicken) , 1 large fries, and 1 apple pie. Shared among 2 people. We finished it.

I ate 1 apple pie, 3pieces of nuggets, 3 pieces of McBites,  and half fries.

I used online calculator to calculate the amount of calories I've consumed AT 2AM....

....

FREAKIN  600+ cals !!!! =(

The next day , I bloated up instantly, regardless of me working out at least 1-2 hours 6 days a week for the past 2 weeks.

So the next day, after work (shift ended at 5pm), I told myself to DOUBLE UP WHATEVER SHIT I EXERCISED). I did.

Worked out for at least 2.5 hours. Burnt 700calories purely on cardio (threadmill, elliptical, rowing and exercycle), and I did a lot of weights and abs exercise. Hopefully, I lose 1k calories over there =D That's 1.5x more than my usual exercise routine.

And when I woke up today, ugh, my body is in PAIN. My arms, my legs, my abs tummy. I feel crippled.

But it's a good pain. Signs that I've worked out pretty much almost every part of my body.

I am going to the gym later AGAIN.

This is what I had for breakfast :

Low fat cereals with low fat milk.

That''s about 250 calories I think. Or 300. Better to overestimate than underestimate.

Heading to the gym in 2-3 hours time. =)

Actually, I don't know how much I weigh , but...even if I know, it'll be embarrassing to tell it out here. But I am planning to lose at least 5 kgs!

Counting calories consumed is my daily obsession now.

A LIFE !

This week work like mad.

It's now 3.30am. Tomorrow got work again. ZZzzz.

My temper's pretty bad lately =(  almost want to pick a fight with a fat girl in this club I went to. I may be fat but shes at least twice my size :@ 

She danced without caring which foot she stepped on (MY FRIEND'S) , or who she whacked with her gigantic arms (ME). Imagine a fat girl in a crowded club la, simply flinging her bloody hands and stomping her foot everywhere. I don't know how many times I got whacked and pushed. It HURTS ok! 

Actually I kinda shouted at her (she didn't hear - club too noisy) , but my friend (who's foot got stepped on by that 100+ kg girl) kinda calmed me down, and I ought to be ashamed of myself cause I think getting　ＳＴＥＰＰＥＤ　ＯＮ is worse than helicopter fat heavy hands whacking everywhere. 

Ok I got to be patient. 

At work also, kinda can't tolerate my boss, and shot him an irritated look. He noticed.

UGH !! =( 

Continue tomorrow. 

GOTTA SLEEP!

I really can't stand my boss, even though he's paying us quite well. LE SIGH.

PS. Rant abit.
HOW LA. Everyday get nagged. My boss is new to F&B .He just bought over the business. Don't know anything, yet want to teach me the "right method".  Methods he learn from his bloody training by Boost. Truth is, everyone works better in different method, not just the supposedly "best method" written in black and white. That shit is just for noobies who don't know anything, and thats like a starting point for them.

For eg. I wash jugs damn freaking fast already using my own way, and he has to nag me saying I wash them the wrong/slower way.  So he forced me to use his way, FINE, I did. In the end , guess what he say? "WASH JUG FASTER". 

WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF Don't let me use my own fast way, but call me wash faster when clearly his way is fucking slow la! PISSYYYYYY THINKING BACK.

How laaaaaaaaaaaaaa everyday I dread work cause of him. Sometimes I think its better to work at a lower paying job but you know, you look forward to work everyday.

I think my temper's horrible, because of the accumulated impatient feeling I got from work. Sick of it.

I feel like a timed bomb about to explode @ my boss. Sigh, and its just 3rd week since I work.

3 weeks of intolerable naggings, wow, I've done well actually. 

Diets. I need a husky.

I have enough of people telling me I look different from last few years!

Especially when I had not one but TWO BLOWS today, people unable to recognize me on the streets. They said I looked tired. Eyebags more visible. Put on weight. I looked more energetic last time.

So I stumbled upon a blog , recommending a simple detox plan :

well I like all those fruits stated up there, and it's only for 3 days!

Most detox I've read about lasts as long as a week. Wah, CBF (can't be f*ked) doing it :S

Bought a 1 way ticket to Canberra, leaving as soon as next Thursday...me and my bestie, we can do this losing weight together =D

"I need a Husky" means I am fat.

"You need a Husky" means you're fat.

Lame, but few days ago, at a friend's house warming...met this pet lover that said Husky is one of the most high maintenance/difficult dog to take care of. When the weather is hot, they need to be kept in a room with airconditioner ON. 

Worse thing is that, THEY NEED TO BE WALKED 4KM ! 

4km per day is a lot of walk. Last time I run on the threadmil 3km a day, everyday, within 1 month lost 5kg.   4KM???

I REALLY NEED A HUSKY ! heh.  

It's a more indirect way to tell a fat person that they need to lose weight, too! haha.

Its a date.

Since the last couple of weeks, I've been living off Eddie (eating all the yummy food he brought home) , I decided to treat him to dinner yesterday. I am no parasite, at the very least I always try not to!

If you all live in Melbourne, you all probably heard of this place call Ying Thai on Lygon Street. They serve the best thai food I've ever eaten. If you come Melbourne, its a MUST GO place.

I wanted to bring both of us there, but too bad, he had meeting till 8pm, and I was too hungry, so we went to eat nearby.

Only selected food in this restaurant is yummy.

Well, cause I read a lot of random blogs , and how they get their pictures taken by a 3rd party, rather than they camwhore themselves....I thought to follow. Cause it is like narrating a story and us being IN the story, rather than forced camwhore photos all over.

So, I've decided to give Eddie another chance in photography (he is very popular among me and my girlfriends especially, in taking ugly/half arse photos).

LOOK AT THE OUTCOME. FML.

I wasn't even ready!

I gave up hope in him holding a camera that instance. Will train him whenever time allows. The more times he hold the camera, the more ugly shots will come out. 


(Do you all know, even though you delete absolutely everything on your computer or hard disk, there are still ways to retrieve the data? Unless you burn the hard disk, random people can do it. Eg. my very own brother! So never take naked pictures of yourself at all cost. lol. Or you'll end up like Edison Chen-he actually erased everything from his computer before sending it for repair, but look at all the photos that leaked out!)

And I also decided to get even ♫♪♪♫ :

 BAHAHAHA. 

Okay, food then came, and this is the last photo of our dinner :

Only the keow teow I had and Eddie's Chicken cashewnut was good.

I paid for dinner, was being very generous. Look at two other sides ! Tom yum soup and fish cakes (not very nice though).

Total damage : $40.60

T_T

Notice my blood shot eyes? Today, my eyes totally KO-ed. It grew puffy, and more red after that, and worse today! ahhhh. People always tell me the nicest feature of my face are my eyes and skin...well, they look horrible now. Red eyeballs, puffy, + dry skin on my lids and I used new facial stuff that caused a reaction on my skin, making it look like they have rashes all over. Not severe, but slightly noticeable IRL.

=(



Ignore this section if you hate emo post.

....................

Actually, I cried.

I don't know what to do at this point of life. Not going back home for over a year (grandfather's funeral doesn't count, didn't get to spend quality time with my family)...I am extremely homesick. I think of home every single day. sigh.

I always thought to push myself outside comfort zone, but it's tough.

The camp....actually left me in shock. It was an eye opener...but I just can't be like them. I can't dance with just undergarments. I can't talk like them. I can't freaking understand almost all their slangs. I am not open enough.

I told one of the guys "my boyfriend was quite pissed at me cause I went for the camp".
He told my boss' partner infront of me " her boyfriend was like cutting her up for attending Aa Camp".
Me " WhaT?"
Him " you told me your boyfriend was cutting you up just now"
Me " er?"
Him "Cutting you up, you know, angry?" (with a slight irritated look on his face)

WTF !! Not only that lah, there are loads more that I can't even remember.

I know that I am here in Australia, that I should talk they way they talk, to try to blend in, but I just can't. I have my own limits, and its not very high to change myself completely, to turn into an Australasian. I love home. They are people who are embarrassed of home and their own mother tongue language (not all, most that I've met).

My boss appointed me as a Marketing/ PR Executive/ Social Face, but I am afraid...I can't do it.

I just don't understand Australian culture...and I understand Malaysia way better. ... sighness.

I look so tired, depressed and stressed nowadays, that my friends just call me to go back and catch up on sleep today. Even when I told them I need encouragement to exercise, they said no. Haha, what am I doing now? I love torturing myself with no sleep and then complain about eyebags.

Girls...or is it just me :) ...

:(

Finally, Eddie can't take it anymore. He blurted out today :

"I think....it is time for you to start losing weight"

When I heard that, I got extremely depressed ! I know that I have gain A LOT OF WEIGHT.

It's really sad. I cried actually. I know it's true, I am out of shape.

Many times, I've complain about my weight issue, over here, over Twitter, over Facebook, face to face, on the phone, through messages, SMS, EMAILS.....and nothing seems to have changed.

Truth is, each time I complain, I do lose a little for a short period of time, and then they go up again ! And that's when I start complaining for going back to SQUARE 1....my weight, they are extremely YO-YO. 

I am tired. Having to face this battle all the time. Why can't I be like other people. Eat normal, and MAINTAIN.

I've been working a lot lately, too ....walk , stand, clean, sweat doing those... I've stopped pigging out on ice cream since weeks ago, even if I do consume them, it is in very small quantities ( 1 teeny scoop). Still, my weight stays up, and still increasing.

I eat two normal meals a day - meat rice vegetables. 

What did I do in my past life to deserve this life :( The only way to maintain weight, it seems...is to eat fruits and nothing else..

Miss IMF.

When I was younger (and morbidly obese), I remember reading newspaper about this competition for obese women. It is no other than Miss IMF aka Miss I M Fat, and my brother has never been more supportive of me joining, and winning the competition -_-.

Albeit working 5-6 days a week, my weight is increasing like nobody's business. Imagine that! With all the standing and walking during work, its of no use.

I have to meet people soon, to represent my workplace, and my gosh, I don't want to look un-presentable. As in looking really fat and unhealthy. I can feel my tummy is becoming my third boob and my cheeks are ballooning! No thanks to me pigging out like mad, before work, DURING WORK ESPECIALLY and after work!

Sigh, eating excessively has got to stop ! I gain weight super easily. Everyday I tell myself to freaking go gym, but ended up making excuses to not go. I mean, partly I can't really go now, cause my left leg is severely "injured", no thanks to lousy shoes and long working hours. But still, I don't want to look OUT OF SHAPE AND DISGUSTING :(

I know, apart from whining over here, I should at least shake my ass and try to burn some calories while I am at it.  But I really want to take up swimming, because my legs are really overused. It sores every single time I stand and walk. Aihs. Hate the fact that my gym is so far away. Like 10minutes walking distance. lol. And that my sleeping time is screwed. By the time I wake up is the time the gym closes, or right before I start work. FML.

How la?!?!?!?!?! Sigh. Old, lethargic, metabolism going down, unmotivated (fine, LAZY), aching legs. my life is f-ed.


Anyway, another fishy incident happened in my apartment, I swear ! I lost half a pack of spinach, a fish cake and my face powder T.T . I mean, MAYBE I misplaced my face powder , but how the heck I lose half a pack of spinach and 1 piece of fish cake? He never cooks, only I do, and my spinach and a fish cake can suddenly disappear from my fridge.

Wierd nia.

=/

http://mic-bebe2nd.blogspot.com/2010/12/love-yourself-and-not-contribute-sins.html?zx=d9e505b1001a44c2

Early night tonight.

Even though I just ate 5 scoops of ice cream (shared between me and Eddie), I am turning in early tonight!

No more late night blog posting ! My sleeping time is screwed, making me feel lethargic all the time. Not only that, my dark eye circles are getting bigger. Metabolism screwed. Hormones changed.

Been sleeping at about 7am for wayyyy too long!!

THAT is bad.

I am going on a mission now. To slim down drastically and look better. Going to be DISCIPLINE and shut the mouth of everyone who called me fat and you-used-to-be-hotter.

Going to be as skinny as last year !

Wait and see.

Will blog a proper post when I wake up later.

When you have no choice but to follow the flow...

I thought that once I get a job, it'll solve all problems. Especially when money problem is ever so common. But I was wrong. I didn't see this coming. I have just threw away almost all my nights in a week to serve ice cream, than to spend time with my boyfriend.

My sleeping time is wrong. I sleep around 5-6am, until 3pm. He comes back home during lunch, and recently, he has been leaving a lot of notes and lunches, so that I don't wake up hungry. 

Today, he left a pack Japanese salad for me :

 Loved it.

Then because I was craving for Wanton Mee (I know, weird cravings I have...it's all of a sudden, and its been like that for 2 weeks already!) , made my own using a random noodle that's been sitting in my cupboard :

After eating, got ready as usual,for work.

 Hair slightly damp, and twisted my hair today :

Haha, doesn't my hair look like Kuih Pintal : 

 My childhood snack!

So usually when Eddie doesn't come home by 5.30pm, he'll see me at PassionFlower to collect the keys. And usually when he come back around 5.30pm, I'd be last minute getting ready for work.

5.50pm, leave house.
Finish work around 12.30am. Sometimes, I follow my friend for supper, like I did today and reach home around 1.30am.

Came back home to this today :

Last few weeks and this week, I have been/will be working 5-6 NIGHTS.

Every time, when he come back home for lunch, I'll be sleeping.
He come back home from work, it's time for me to go work.
When I come back home from work, it's time for him to go sleep.

This has been happening for the past 1month.

We both know that..one day, we might not be together anymore, and yet, I don't seem like I am appreciating every moment we have now, which sucks. :(

This thought stinks. It stunk so bad that my eyes are all just a big blur right now.

Gotta love this song :



I still like Nelly's version BEST. 
The emo-ness of this song is just right.

Can walking/standing too much break my feet?

T.T
Work overkill. This week I'll be working SIX DAYS a week ! Six days but 7 shifts ...actually, still thinking about the 7th shift. I am wondering if I can really take it. Stand 6 hours also my legs can die already..but good money !!! Argh !!!

Money or feet..money or feet...MONEY OR FEET ?!?!?!?!

I don't want to be crippled when I grow old though T.T At a ripe age of 20+ (my age, my secret..shush) , my legs are already giving me enough problems !


Have to decide by tonight !! If I don't work also, there's nothing to do when I get back home at 6pm.

Might as well work right ?!

I think....I am doing it !


Agreeing to the shift now,  May I "break a leg" , like metaphorically ok! on Sunday!

First day @ PassionFlower.

Working was fun =] Actually being a waitress is more tiring than my previous job at Juice Works! Still have to clean all the tables and chairs, still have to mop the floor. Bigger space , more seats, more tables, more customers. Have to clear all the dish after the customers eat some more! Unlike Juice Works whereby we just throw everything (but needa clean the sink though at Juice Works, damn gross one, got dead cockroaches, rotting fruits..etc)!

Lucky no need to clean toilet (yet) or wash all the dishes HAHAHAHA.

But I really want to be a kitchen helper though. I love making deserts ! But too bad, only can clean, take orders, get flirted at  and serve deserts.

So far first day has been alright. I was a bit slow at using the Waiter Pad (touch screen to record people's order) but got used to it after a few times using it.

I was trying so hard to NOT get my orders wrong, but SIGH, got 1 order wrong. But my manager said I did quite well on the first day =] Some people are so nice.

But its the girl's fault lo. She said "Strawberry Waffle" without showing me the picture or anything. So I thought its "Waffle with Strawberry Ice Cream".   I don't even know the existence of Strawberry Waffle.
I even asked/repeat orders to confirm it, she was like "yayayaya" . When the order came, its different from the picture, she confront me, saying its not the one she wanted, and I have to change it. Dammit !

Not much difference between  "Strawberry Waffle" and "Waffle with Strawberry Ice Cream" also! They both have strawberries, have waffles, the only difference is one is vanilla ice cream, the other one strawberry ice cream. Oh well, "Customers are always Right" !

Apart form that, got a slight miscommunication with my colleague, but its no thanks to the number that got stuck below the glass ! =] 

Hehe, the shift leader was shocked that I was the only waitress for that day somemore! First day working, haven't memorize the menu, it was a Friday  (more people), and I was the only waitress. But challenging ! I like !

Finally ... some rest

Assignments after assignments...finally handed in the 3rd one in less than a week.

The final assignment had the hardest blow to it.

1) I was really burnt out from the strings of assignment

2) Sunday morning fire kinda wasted half my day over there.

3) Panda was leaving back to Canberra.

4)Period came on that night itself => lethargic , seriously tired feeling, not forgetting whole bodyache including mah boobs.

5) IT WAS MY MOTHER'S BIRTHDAY -the great depression.

Worse is that this is my most feared subject, highest fail percentage in all marketing subjects. Until now I think I've missed every single tutorial, and the exam is very tutorial based.. FML!!

Handed in my 35% assignment late, and penalty is 10% off. WTF. WHY SO HEAVY?

Today is rest day. I am sooo going to have to study like a bookworm for this subject. FML.

HAVEN'T SLEPT WHOLE NIGHT AND ITS 9.26AM NOW. TIME TO ZZZZ