Updates and good news :)

Been spending weeks, mending my CV, writing down my cover letter, searching for potential jobs, preparing for interview and finally ... I am hired !!! :D

Officially starting work on the 26 of March.

Interview sucked, but what to do, I promised to be an extremely hard worker , fast learner and a go-getter. lol.

I swear I am not joking. I didn't do very well during the interview, never gave good interviews before, even though the current job is my 7th job, but 8th role. LOL.

Sadly, I didn't get the role I wanted, or should I say, better at. Public Relations is my forte, but because I procrastinated a lot little, I had missed the opportunity by merely 2 weeks! They just hired someone new before they saw my CV T.T

So I am back with Pavilion, the place I interned before 2 years ago. Instead of doing Public Relations, I will be under Leasing.

Heard its helluva paper work, but I am all in for new challenges yo !!!  Challenges and new environment excites me, don't know why. I love learning new things. Just that I really needa improve on all my languages and how to self promote myself. I think I have high EQ.

Academic wise...probably very average. But please, don't ask me about world news and politics. They bore me. Politics , football and maths bore the s#$@ outta me.

Anyways..my English isn't exactly A grade. BM is half arsed (forgot most when I went to Aus for good), and only know conversational Mandarin and Hokkien. Probably can read more than I write, but still, I feel like a jack of all trades but a master of NONE.

I've started working since 15, done Food &Beverages, Public Relations, Marketing, illegal seller (sold fire crackers and spray paints/ribbon when I was young) , Nursing (for my dad) and now....something totally new...Leasing.

Adventures awaits =] I am officially(soon) an OL (office lady) ahahaha. I love wearing office wear.


Owh... I hate high heels :( I have giant blisters all over my feet now


Severely injured feet...(stole this picture from my own Twitter)

And..got a lot of stares. I know, I am tall and still wear high heels ! Probably looked around 175cm. hahaha. But it makes me look slim ! For the first time I  look at reflections and thought I don't look fat.

Actually, I've lost a couple of weight since I came back to Malaysia. 3-4kgs away from being my "skinny" stage!!! Lost about 3kgs since I came back. Lost about 7 kgs in total since May last year. Hahaha, dam slow right, but I am hoping to lose weight slowly, so that it doesn't come back fast !

I don't know why people say I'll put on weight in Malaysia, with scrumptious food everywhere. They're outside food, true, very fatty, but I have an extremely weak stomach. Been falling sick pretty often...from food poisonings, allergy reactions, heck, even caffeine overdose (from cheap coffees bought from bubble tea shops) can give me panic attacks + extremely high heart rate (which actually creates this "exercise" effect , which tricks your body into thinking its exercising) .

Some which are pretty serious. Had a growth on my neck just last week which THANKFULLY disappeared after a week. I almost fainted while driving alone once, can't stand up immediately or else my vision will be damn blurry, I will feel very giddy and there will be hot flushes on my face.

Agh, will take care soon. Should really stop myself from eating expired food and outside food. I actually miss my own cooking. They're extremely healthy, doesn't leave oil residue in my mouth. unlike the typical chinese cooking at home. They taste natural. Not seasoned. Haihzzzz.

Can't cook at home right now, cause my aunt is the house chef, will be very disrespectful to her. Her food is delicious, just that I feel like I've eaten 1000calories per meal. Oily, porky fatty, fried + thick yummy dark sauce or white starchy sauce. Rich in flavour.

I like bland food. Simple to prepare/cook. I usually stir fry veggies or fish, and put minimal salt , pepper , lemon. Or boil everything with some chinese herbs, very minimal seasonings. My mom has been nagging .. saying I want to learn how to cook our family style cooking, but don't want to see how my aunt cook lunch and dinner.

They are food that I USED to fancy lei :( I do enjoy cooking random stuffs, following recipes, and creating dishes but been so sick so often lately, Eddie grew fatter...and with many people suddenly dying....cancer feels like this disease that is waiting to strike anyone...my relatives all who grew up eating my grandmother's cooking , and now my aunt's(my aunt learn from my grandma) cooking, a lot of them have high cholesterol, diabetes, high blood pressure... means it has got to do with the food we eat. Not just genes. Do you all know, if you were to get a hereditary disease or something all your family members have, say obesity...the chances of you getting is 30% from genetics but 70% from  lifestyle...So, take care of your health !!!


A lot of text, I know...I kinda needa find my camera charger. Ran out of battery and can't camwhore !!! I have a lot of pictures in my handphone though. haha. :D

Okay thats all. Will update soon. Hopefully the next post will be filled with camwhore pictures.

Just randomly writing things that's in my head. I only slept 2 hours today and I had an interview + blisters on my feet. No thanks to 2 big cups of caffeinated drinks yesterday.

R.I.P...

Just lost a friend. Although we're not that close, but close enough to feel the pain.

He's the definition of a fun uni life. He's one of the ONLY FEW guys who made me feel attractive. He is from Singapore, hence he's the first person who calls me "chio" (find the definition yourself!).

Always call me "chio" in sight, during my club events, he was there to help...even with specks looking really stressed up cause of the preparation of club events, he'll tell me I am "chio".

During one of another committee's birthday, I wore this "happy birthday" specks, he was sitting right opposite me, and shouted "WOW really so chio lah you".

Sometimes even his gf (yeah he has a gf) sms me saying her bf thinks I am chio.

Once we chatted on msn until 4am.

You are too sweet (especially your mouth), it may all be white lies... but a lot of people like to be reminded that they're pretty (no one's ugly unless your personality suxx).

Well, those are the only few memories of you and I. And also u with your camera, snapping pictures and candid of me all the time especially (during events)!!!

Well , it was fun while you were here.

See you at your wake. I think you're worth it.










 (Last pic my face kena blocked)

And loads more events ...

Sigh , I know I threw him the cold shoulder cause I feel uneasy when people compliment me head on/face to face.

So, see ya real soon !

Santa Michelle.

Spent a bomb today, my wallet feels so super light!! I just realized I've got to buy 5 presents for 5 different individuals. OMXXX!!

I can even open a folder of pictures of the gifts, but not appropriate to like show it off as I have not given out any of them yet.

!!

I bought 3 gifts in total. 2 out of 5 actually. The 3rd gift bought is mine...aka for myself ! :(

I have succumbed to temptations ! Remember this book that can be locked ?

I finally gave in and bought it. After say, a few months?

If something you want is constantly always on your mind, you have to buy it, right? This diary, though nothing spectacular about it, stayed put on my mind.

It's not much for the design, but for the practicality and the "security" it offers. Especially with the lock...I know it can easily be broken into, but people who are close to me should be understanding enough to know that the lock means it's OUT OF BOUNDS. And no one can read it that easily, and put it back to the exact same spot , at the exact same dust I left my diary on.

This shall be the book that I'll turn to..whenever I'm feeling low, rather than trying to write password-protected post here. Though there are some post here that ought to be password-protected, I think they are vague enough ... I guess too lazy to find html codes to password-protect them

Talking about diaries...I know its quite a childish thing to do, and not that I do it often anyway. You know why?

Because there are something with mothers and reading their child's diaries.

I remember when I was a very young child, say before 10 years old, I've a lockable book , similar to this. The cheaper-in-RM version kind, not as AUD (Australian Dollar) as this. It went missing! Never found it till this day.

So I began writing in notebooks, notepads...but I jolly well know my mom reads them, hence I stop writing by all means. She likes to come into my room and "hang out" in there. My diary was always placed at the exact same spot as where I left it, but I just know my mom read it. It's in her face. She also opens my letter during the snail mail days....and even read my sms when my phone is not with me until college (about 18 years old) FML! Talking about privacy and personal space! I have none.

So late 2 years ago, I started writing again. I was in a state where I got no one to turn to, so I took out an empty book and started writing vigorously. Thats when it all started again.

That time I was quite an introvert, always at home, always safeguarding it. Then been writing once in a while, until I came here for the first time first year, and went back. And now second year, its LEFT IN MALAYSIA.

Since I realized that my private possession (the diary) is left back home when I reached here, the first few months was horrible. I kept fearing my mom would read it even more. This time, the diary entries written are ..more "mature".

I can't call back home to tell her to not go to this particular space near a particular shelf of my room, as this will intrigued her to further "explore" MY FORBIDDEN AREA during her free time (human nature). So the only thing I can do is keep quiet and pray.

With this new LOCKABLE diary I bought, as long as I swallow the keys in my stomach, and vomit them out whenever needed, she won't have the chance to see them! What a good investment this AUD20 was ! Unless she decided to take it again without my knowledge and break it open. Considering we are now older and more wiser than previous years, I doubt if she'll do it again. :)!

The story behind "The Fat Bitch"..

If you all haven't seen my old photos, beware! If you did, and still came back, thank goodness.

I already told people, as a kid, I was really fat and ugly. Other words that was spit on me was "stinky, porky, gross, oily, greasy,dirty ..." and the list goes on.

I admit I was fat, ugly, and maybe oily/greasy, cause in school, who doesn't sweat and in the end look oily in return? BUT ...

I NEVER STUNK eventhough I was fat. Come on, I know the existence of personal hygiene, or at least , the deodorant..Even though I was clueless about all the latest fashion, hairstyles.. doesn't mean that I don't bathe, and that it leads me to being gross, and hence, a social outcast.

People generally like to associate stinky and fat together. As long as you're fat, you're smelly.

I remember this person, who's B.O. was mighty strong, especially after sports class, yet no one said a thing, and fingers were all pointed at me. As long as the class stink, I'm the culprit. When someone accidentally farted out loudly, it's "me".

No one even want to sit beside me, and you know how I know? They shout to the whole class "TEACHER, I DON'T WANT TO SIT BESIDE MICHELLE". It's not only they do not care about how I feel, its also a "must" to announce that out loud, so that other people won't classify them as the same type of person as me.

Of course being teachers, they will say "CANNOT CHANGE YOUR SEATS THAT ARE ASSIGNED TO YOU."

You know what everyone does when they are being forced to sit beside me? They just pull their table closer to them, at least 1 short ruler (15cm) away from me. Both left and right, if I get the middle seat.

Can you imagine how it looked? Just my row (not front and not back), the tables are all apart? They don't want their tables to even touch mine.

Every time, I'm the butt of everyone's insults. Not jokes because they're not even funny. It hurted so super horribly that I had emotional breakdown a few times and never wanted to go school.

My parents doesn't know. I kept begging them to transfer me to another school, but my pleas were ignored because they think I want to change for the fun of it. I hid all these from them cause I was even embarassed to tell them that such things happened and was happening to me that time.

My results suffered greatly, and was scolded badly, because I was stupid.

I was even bullied by 2 gangs of people, especially during lunch and break time. 1 year my junior, and 1 year my senior. They push me around, come up to me just to call me fat and ask me WHY? taunting me to stop eating.every.single.day.in.school.

There's this one time when I'm minding my own business climbing this small hillock in the field, the senior gang took stones and was throwing them at me. Was I really such an eye-sore? I never dared to climb that hillock since. Nor even dare to go to the fields. My safe spot was the library, hidden in one corner, with a book covering my face.

Believe it or not, the only friends I had was net friends. Friends I met in ICQ, those people that randomly add other people. That was how fucking sad my life was. Only in the cyber world did I feel welcome. But I wasn't myself. I created another identity. My second life. I was a big eyed, 165cm and 50kg girl.

I hate it when the topic to exchange photos pops out. I always have to use the same reason "I don't have a scanner". Which is partly true, but more to the fact that I cannot show myself to the world. I even tore my own photos before cause it looked fat and ugly, and even ran off and cried when my mom show my other relatives my I.C. photo.

The turning point was during 13 years old. When the whole class and I learnt this new vocabulary word, "obese", during English period. Someone ask my English teacher what it meant, and she said " a very fat person".

Immediately the whole class shouted my name in unison. Usually, we are suppose to make a sentence after learning a new word, and apparently, the only name they knew to make sentence with that word was "Michelle". The whole time, I just smiled everything off. I was actually feeling alright, though slightly hurt, but at least, people acknowledged my existence.

But it angered my teacher. Until now I still remember her name, Mrs. Khoo. Year 2000. During Form1. She scolded and screamed at the whole class except me, explaining to them that I'm born unlucky, to have low metabolism rate, not because I eat a lot. She told the class that she believes when I grow up, I will be slim and pretty, and might even stand the chance to join the Miss World beauty pageants. I beamed, for the very first time, that a person have such confidence in me.

Then a guy had the cheek to shout "IMPOSSIBLE" on top of his lungs, and the class laughed along. That's when I decided that, I've got to prove him and everyone wrong, and Mrs. Khoo, right.

I went home, and seek help from my dad, a doctor. Even he was not supportive at all. He said to me "You're going to be like your uncle. 10 years ago, he said he was going to lose weight.Until now, he's still fat." It's the exact words. I can still remember it ever so clearly.

It was not the reply that I was expecting. I was mad instead and challenged him, hence with the bet that if I lose 10kgs, he will give me RM1000. I started exercising and dieting at year end holidays.

All these happened when I was 12 and 13. Before PANDA and I became close friends. My close primary friends, all left for another high school. Those that were okay-close to me, because "the popular gang" hates me, all of them wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with me.

At 14, I got demoted to the last class, the same class as PANDA because my results sucked. Thats when we got closer.

And at 15, the whole saga repeats itself again, when I got promoted to the second class...with the same old people that somehow couldn't bear the sight of me, nor the thought of being in the same class as me. I did lose some weight that time, but was still considered fat and thus, rejected.

So, I did go to school, but skipped my own class, to go to the last class to find PANDA and another friend (who's now my ex friend). Many times I was chased out by the teacher cause I'm not a student of the last class,but I ran to the toilet and hid instead because there are surveillance camera around my school.

I even begged my class teacher to demote me back to the last class, but he refused, because he said that I will become lazier if I were to mix with the last class people. So, my results sucked again..as I spent most of my time in the last class, and also the toilet. I skipped so many classes until the second class people forgot I belonged there.

Because of those bitter (no sweet at all) times during my high school, I sometimes have confidence issues till now. Hate that. I hate my childhood.

When I told my first boyfriend (at 17), I cried, expecting him to not look at me the same way again, but he was very accepting. He is the first person to ever know this story behind me.

Thinking that boyfriends will love us nevertheless, I tried to tell my second boyfriend. I got the total opposite reaction. He didn't even want to know the story because he said he will feel grossed out and can't imagine he was dating a girl who was once that fat.

Honestly, fat...is an understatement throughout my whole post. And I did tear a little while writing this,but not as much as the first time. I was practically sobbing my eyes out on the phone with my first boyfriend, choking on my own tears.

Third boyfriend, Eddie. The only boyfriend whom I dare to tell-it-all, inclusive of pictures. But I'm more opened to the past now, because I think I came quite far, and enough of hiding.

I do not want people to suddenly jump to my boyfriend, trying to blackmail me, and scare the shits out of him. Believe me, by just being fat, you'll get quite a number of enemies..haters, or people who just want to bring you down. Especially when you were fatter and uglier, and suddenly became hotter. I would want to tell my boyfriend first hand, rather than hearing them from someone else.

Some people do not even believe I was that girl before.

So this sums my childhood, and I'm GLAD it had made me immune to all kinds of insults or emotional abuse. Because of those that had happened, I am now stronger.

P.S. On a brighter note, I've put music on my blog. My all time favourite songs. Enjoy! or just press the pause button to shut it up :)!

P.S.S: R.I.P STEPHEN GATELY, MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE BOYZONE MEMBER.

Those were the days..

Who could've known...old photos are like priceless treasures.

The instance PANDA decided to just log on into her photobucket, and wala, it feels as if we've hit a million dollars jackpot, when we found these gems :

blabla, PANDA, and I (still have my baby fat cheeks as oppose to my display picture > > ).

left : PANDA ; right : ME

Alot of people thought both the people in the picture are me alone, thinking it was the "effects" of the photobooth, Come on, during my time, technology wasn't that canggih (high tech) yet, LOL.

As soon as she found them and share it with me, the first thing we did was argue bout how old we were when we took these pictures. I was pretty confident that it was dated back then in year 2006, whereas she beg to differ and strongly believed that these photos were taken in year 2007 cause of her hairstyle! Even forgot where the heck we took the first photo.

Year 2007, I was no longer friends with you-know-who already loh!

So I'm RIGHT, she's WRONG. END OF STORY!

And then, proceeded to play webcam with :

click on the photos to enlarge if you want.

1. Eric :

Long time since I chatted with him, and yah, got to catch up on quite alot of stuffs that's been happening to both of us! Thanks for contacting me, right before my exams. Hehe.

2. Ken :

Some fella that I always disturb when I'm bored, haha.

Apparently he was watching HEROES, so can only see the tip of his head. People watch show got some wierd facial expression thats why he decided to just show his crowning glory (I assume).

3. PANDA :

Decided to camwhore over webcam..like how we did last time, before a camera became a necessity for people.

her webcam is so cool loh! Got effects one.

See!

She look forward, it looked like as if an army of men are all charging towards me, whereas mine? Plain old boring nothing.

Anyway, PANDA decided to update about us throughout high school till now(with embarrassing photos of me)..for our up and coming 10th year anniversary ..and that is NEXT YEAR! Do check her post out here.

How time flies...