Rage.

I think too highly of myself.

Working life is extremely tough. With bad luck, you just want to break down and cry EVERY SINGLE DAY.

When I first started my current job, my colleagues all told me that everyone from Finance Department are counting down the days on how long I'll last. This is because I am directly under my General Manager (everyone in my department works with the pairing system. 1 manager + 1 executive).

My GM has a track record of making people leave the company on an average of 3-4 months. The girl before me broke the record and stayed for 7 months.

When  I heard that I was shocked, but you know, first month, true colours are still skin deep.  She seemed nice and so, I told everyone that she can't be that bad. I have quite a thick skin at times, so I thought it's probably something I can take.

Until 2 weeks ago.

I got screamed at, shouted for, humiliated in front of everyone in the office, given unreasonable deadlines, extremely tough/complicated cases to handle (even though I am new), and on top of that she's extremely fussy. Even if you miss a "full stop" or you have double spacing between 2 words....you'll have to really be prepared to face the music.

I worked really hard. I sacrificed time with friends just to educate myself so that I don't give her or any other managers any chance at all to call me stupid. Walked till my leg cramp every weekend, alone in malls to do research.

But even so, obviously after 2 months they can't expect me to know exactly where every shop is and do everything, right? I have to know where which shop is located at where in 2 huge malls and also get all my letter writing correct with the business like English, in the right letter head and template (which is the most confusing part). On top of that I have to know what THEY want and how they want things to be presented.

They don't care how long you worked, as long as you give them whatever they instructed you to do. Or maybe they just like screaming at you. My department is understaffed. So, I have a lot of work from 4 managers (even though I report to 1 manager). I stayed till the latest most of the time in my department, to finish off my work.

I couldn't take the pressure 2 weeks ago. Came back from work, cried myself to sleep, weekends cry whenever I feel like crying, cried at work, cried in front of my parents...cried soo much until my eyes were swollen and felt extremely sore.

I almost gave up. I had the urge to quit or change department.

Things got better after I cried in front of her, and told her off everything. But it could only be temporary.

Don't know how long I'll last. If I quit after 3 months, how do I work for other company? They look at my records and will probably think I am a girl who gives up easily and not worth hiring. At this thought, I cried again.

My parents called me to stay for at least 1 year. My brother called me to stay for 1 + 1. 1 year in current department, another year in PR department (cause I studied that), so that I have more options. I don't even know if I can make it till 6 months even.

Barely 2 months, I am already emotionally dying. Sigh.

Thought of changing jobs before, but everyone tell me its the same everywhere. Is this really the Malaysian working culture? 

In Australia, managers and all my bosses were like my friends. We talk about everything, have meals, go out to party.

Over here, I just feel like an Egyptian slave working for a Pharoah.