=(

http://www.tnp.sg/content/they-died-play

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I don't know why but I kinda miss him.

I know that should he still be alive, we'll only continue to be in touch as Facebook friends or msn friends. Or who knows, maybe 20yrs later if he decide to move to Malaysia or me to Singapore, we could've meet half way and become better friends ?

During uni days, we were merely friends from the same club. Honestly, we don't really hangout outside uni, unless its someone's bday or housewarming (which happened like once on both occasions). That also, out of those 2 times, that one time... I was soooo freakin late (as usual) and I didn't get to see him. 

BUT , I received a text msg (from his gf) saying he wanted to see me actually, weird huh. Like I suddenly received an sms from an unknown number that says "jw was looking fwd to see u actually", and I had to go through people's phonebook to find out who is it, and turns out it's his gf's number. Dont ask me bout their rship, like kinda dysfunctional or maybe it's just some prank. But his gf did that kinda stuff couple of times edi !!! 

Anyway I am writing this down not to self promote, but in hopes that I will remember this and also the feelings I felt losing him as a friend. 

I know u geddit, this guy thinks I am attractive...but hardly ever anyone thinks so, or at least, confront me and tell me straight to my face. Or at least theres NO other person who's labeled as "the guy who calls Michelle chio all the time". People around me, calls him as that. When I was about to break the news to Eddie regarding his death, I asked Eddie if he remembers him, he's like "ohhhh the guy who always call u chio one right"

Because with every compliment I get, there are always people who will also point out my flaws, like I am too tall, big boned, hunched, big cheek bone, the list goes on. Like "u're pretty but a bit too big size". -___-

But when it comes to him, he made me feel special ? Regardless of how shitty I looked, he never said anything. And d'u know, I am actually taller than him also? But he never said anything about me being gigantic, or implied anything along those lines.

But flashes of memories when I think of him was more towards our first impression. He was my treasurer's housemate. So went to my treasurer's house to have meeting, and thats when I first saw him. He was cooking lunch ie. noodles + tofu + fish cake + abc sauce + many other seasonings !!! And he cooked really a lot !!! So he offered my friends and I, with his smiley face. And we just met for the first time...he doesn't mind sharing same chopsticks with us !!! :O 

Well as usual, I didn't eat it. Sighhhh ! I have a bit phobia sharing things, esp food with people, except my bf of course. Sometimes I force myself to share just so that people won't feel rejected.

And since that first meeting, I see him more often during my club events, meetings and activities....

Maybe, because he passed away at such an early age, that I feel extra sad for him, and felt horrible. Horrible that life had been too unfair to him. Not only that, since I knew him before, could I have done something/anything to make him happier in this world before he left? Learnt from someone that his family background isn't really a happy one. 

Went to his funeral couple days back at Singapore (wed29/2 - thur 1/3). He look really handsome in his funeral pic :) In his ivory white casket, he was wearing a suit. Even in death, his face was smiling, not with teeth of course. 

Sigh. Its quite sad actually, to lose a friend that u have some special memories with. How much more in future, if I were to lose more? Not cursing anyone, just saying. Who knows I'll die first? Who'll be sad? Who did I made feel special? Did I do anyone wrong? Will the person who hates me, forgive me or curse me all the way down to hell? Will anyone miss me? Who'll feel my loss? 

But I will stay alive for as long as possible, for the sake of my parents. My friend's mom can barely stand, and was hysterical. Not saying shes insane, saying that the pain of losing a child is so intense...that it make your knees weak by the sight of his/her funeral picture. The "funny" thing was... I was the only person (along with my bestie) who saw his real mother. Other friends saw his stepmom and thought its his real mother, and thought his family members were all doing alright (not many people know about his family background).

I know as we grow older, there will be more of these to come. Heck, just 2 days ago, my friend's sis' bf passed away, and he also just graduated and came back from Melbourne, for good.

Life is extremely fragile. Whoever who said that human body is actually powerful and capable of many things we think are impossible, u're FXXXing wrong. This week itself, I heard of like what, 4 deaths? My friend, friend's sis' bf, friend's cousin...and my friend's place in Singapore that I stayed at, had 1 funeral in the building. 

Thats too many deaths to hear about in 1 week. 

Stop dying !!!