Time of the month.

I feel aimless, unwanted/ unwelcome, and I don't know, just suddenly feel like I have no drive to do anything!!

I don't care about grooming, haven't shopped in ages (partly cause I feel fat, also due to the fact that I only have enough money to survive+ save up for holidays) , and I feel un-interesting. Maybe I really am not interesting at all.

I also feel that I am wasting my time.

I feel that my friends are all slowly leaving me. I feel outdated.

Worse part is that...I think I am ok with that. I want to be alone MOST of the time. Like either alone, bf or friends I am extremely comfy being with.

Don't know what's up with me nowa-years. Don't like celebrating my birthday. Meet new people also I can't click with them at all !! Lost my social skills, my loudness, but sadly not my pride.

I feel lost.

Its like I want to be "around" but yet I don't want to be there., almost like want to have new friends minus all the talking.

I look happy don't I !!!!!  What ya think?

Sigh.

I feel that the world is fake, but as much as they are fake...everyone's leaning towards fakeness, that everyone are almost the same.

Everyone has lost their unique-ness, Everyone look n feel identical to me, especially girls;...and that I feel pressured. Me being different, I feel like an outcast. Bad outcast.

I don't put make up and I can go out without make up. In fact the picture above, I just finish exercising and rotting. You can even see my pimples and uneven eyebags (it pops up liddat when I am extremely tired and lack of sleep). The only "fake" are my contact lens.  My face is oily.

But well, a lot of girls out there will see me as ugly. No make up = ugly.

Then I feel pressured into having to put make up. I know I look perfectly fine without make up, but then I feel ugly because I have no make up on.

Sigh. What has this world become!!

Even blog hopping, they are all THE SAME. Some bloggers that I used to like, they are "going there". From strong he-girls...all turning into more feminine-like. I feel annoyed.

Does this mean I have to like pink, hello kitty, dolphins, japan, furry cute puppies, pretty nails, fake lash, thick make up, be all wild, tattoos, piercings at random places, BRANDED GOODS (heck, read from newspapers recently that girls in malaysia turn to prostitution to earn fast money to buy these bags) and skinny to be accepted?

I can't like lime green, purple,  clean nails, clean skin , plain shoes , not liking clubbing, not getting pissed drunk + embarrass myself ?

I am annoyed but yet pressured and just worried that one day I'll conform and soon, lose this "side" of me.

PEER PRESSURE.