The war that has not been won.

The ongoing, neverending battle with my weight and on physique beauty.

I've been eating a lot lately again. Wonder if its "the time of the month" or it's just pure hormones gone haywire (which is bad).

I'm actually embarassed to eat with my friends nowadays, because I can finish a whole full meal on my own, unlike other girls (wearing the size fit for the clothe hanger), who eats only two mouthful, and call it breakfast/lunch/dinner. I just can't. I'll grow hungry, and eat more food discreetly after that (if I happen to just eat two mouthfuls in front of people).

And hence, it takes up strong will power and control for me to stop eating food, and not finishing them.

"Vanity, not love, has been my folly" - Pride and Prejudice.

Obviously, I want to look good. Who doesn't? Many people said I've natural beauty. Make ups uglifies me. Somehow, I take this negatively. Make ups are suppose to further enhance our features, and this statement solely means I've zero talent in making up. Cause sometimes (though very rarely) I do happen to look better with make up okay!!

But I'm happy with the fact that I look presentable without make up, cause most of the time, I'd be too lazy to apply pore-clogging cosmetics that will , in return, damage my skin. So yay to that, but nay to me not looking good with make up until now.

Could this means I look uglier most of the time during big events/clubbing nights/parties?

Either ways, my greatest flaw is my body. Some people think I'm curvy, some say voluptuous, but those who've really seen me through good times and bad times, thinks otherwise.

Gosh, women are greedy creatures that wants perfection, but are never determined with their goals. Maybe it's just me.

I really do not want to repeat the past. I've opened up much since then, to a lot of new friends/people I meet, that I was once a morbidly obese girl (honest brutal truth). Sometimes proud to tell people off, as the jaw-dropping look on their face upon seeing my fat-phase picture, was indeed priceless, as it shows the degree of change I went through.

(I'll never upload those pictures online, I'll show you face-to-face upon request)

It actually still takes risk , onto showing people my picture, as there are still some people who refuse to acknowledge the fact that I'm normal now, and still put me under omg-she-use-to-be-that-fat-bitch-last-time category.

No matter how much I preached and boasted, much reminders are still needed so that I do not go back to that fat-sociallyrejected-ugly-oily girl again.

It'll be embarassing!