HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is if she ever reads this.
But every birthday of my mom's...I feel even more depressed, cause this means she is nearer to...old age. Not to say that I don't feel the same way when it comes to my dad. I know my dad can take care of himself very well. Just not my mom.
She doesn't really take care of herself. She basically umbrellas everyone! My aunts, my cousins, her colleagues, her siblings and their family back in Penang and of course, my family and I. Financially, emotionally, even though she is not that capable on those, herself.
Sometimes I wish she could be more selfish. She always gives the best things she has to everyone around her. Example, she will give all the bird nest whoever bought for my family, to me and my brother to consume. If she knew I want to eat something, she will get it super early in the morning to buy it for me, despite having to leave for work at 8am.
Often I have to pretend I don't like a lot of things. Like abalone. Until now, I don't really know how does an abalone taste like actually. Cause my mom loves abalone. Each time I come upon a dish that has abalone, I just throw my piece to my mom. She will attempt to give to my brother, who loves abalone as much, but my glare works wonders, and my brother don't really eat my saliva.
So since young, I was like that, until now when I am older, somehow I just refuse to eat abalone. Everyone loves abalone. I'm just scared that I'll like it, too and my mom won't have extra to eat next time. This was probably because.... I use to "hate" salmon, until I started eating them 2 years ago, and my mom now has less salmon to eat :(. Sorry , mom. Won't touch abalone.
Don't know how to start telling this, but here goes :
The reason to the very depressing feeling was cause when I was around 14-16, my older cousin went to see a fortune deathtime teller. That guy said my cousin will live till around 60+ years old. When I heard that, I thought her life was pretty short! So I told my mom about it, plus how short my cousin's life is...my mom suddenly blurted out to me,
"Don't talk so much about other people, God told me I live till 50+ only".
(My mom call those people who tell the future, Sin *aka God in Hokkien.)
My mom seriously don't know how much that sentence has afflicted me in so many ways. That time she was around early 40s. Since then also, I've NEVER cut my fingernails at night. No thanks to this stupid newspaper article, that was talking about superstition. They say if you cut your fingernails at night, your mom's life would be cut shorter. I've been suffering a lot with soft nails, especially when they break at night, have to wait till the next morning! Stupid or not of me, for a peace of mind, I would take all precaution to prevent anything that has got to do with my mom's life.
I kept wishing her 50s won't come so soon UNTIL NOW. But currently, it's her 52nd birthday already.
I bet she has forgotten what she has told me.
Then last year December was my grandmother's funeral. I was very affected by it, mostly cause it was my grandmother, and secretly, partly cause the resemblance of my grandmother and my mother....they look TOO MUCH ALIKE to me. My mother just looks like the younger version of my grandmother. It wasn't only me who thought that way. A lot of other people,too.
Imagine... during my grandmother's funeral, you know how the photo of the person who passed away is in front of the casket. My mom looks 80% like my grandmother in the photo. How freaky is that...
The whole time I was seriously damn depressed. I slept with my mom throughout the whole time in Penang, and I told her off that I am feeling super uncomfortable and hated that feeling because she looks too much like my grandmother and it's freaking me out (bringing in the fact that my grandmother had a very painfully slow death).
Then my mom told me"Different people die different ways."
Sigh, time, please pass slower... . . . . ...
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Have you ever read newspaper about people stabbed/shot to death/ involved in an accident and died, thinking that they've read similar news before, and never thought that it would happen to them?
It's like us now, reading news about the deaths, and one day the same thing could happen to us.
Just a random thought.
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