Daily Ramblings

I hate being a girl/woman/female/she/her. We are very self concious.

In MOST girl's eyes, we are always fat. Imperfect. Ugly to some extent. We have our low esteem days, and also really low esteem days. Sometimes we may look confident, but we're trembling inside. Other times, we may seem to brag and boast, but we just want to prove to our ownselves that we,too , have qualities that equals to the "other side of the grass" or even better, and we want to be acknowledged and know that we have some qualities that deserves recognition.

The only times girls are actually happy with themselves is when they're constantly improving. Knowing that they're fat, but they're exercising to lose them off for example. But little did the male species know that even to tell her off "You're still fat", can be quite disheartening.

To have the push to mend ourselves, is the toughest for me. Everyday I'll tell myself I want to slim down. Every new year resolution, one of them are bound to be "LOSE WEIGHT". Since 13+ years old. Eat less. Exercise. Sometimes I did, most times I didn't. It's hard. Weight for me is like an ongoing battle. Looking better, too. But usually, it's so hard to erase the "fact" that is believed by most girls, that thinner equals better.

I can't deny that I've done a really good job, some say achievement, on the weights that I've lost for almost 10 years. There were and always will have ups and downs on the weights until now, struggling, not wanting to give up at all. There is always this goal up there, and I am still on my way into achieving it.

I already achieved the goal I set when I was 13, at age 16. Achieved the goal I set at 17, too, last year. And my last year's goal was to lose weight till 50kgs at least, best 48kgs.

But maybe, I became too greedy, cause this goal clashes with another goal I made this year, that is, to tone up, be buff. I want muscles. Thats why I'm so frustrated now, doing nothing. Not even exercising. Not even watching what I eat. Age is catching up with me. Time flies. Worse, I seem to be breaking the last goal I achieved if I don't watch out soon.

Sigh. One goal at a time. But I'm just afraid I might not make it in time.. Right now, work's quite hectic. But being able to look our best, is crucial , too. Of course studies comes first, but haiihs.

Sometimes I feel like I've already burn out from so long, eating to live, not enjoying my life that I'm living for this one time. But the truth is I've been lazy. Worked piled up (so are my calories), been trying to catch up with school, and there's absolutely no time for workOUTS.

Stress nia. HOW !? :( Rather than writing this, I ought to be shaking my flabs right? but I chose the easier route. 2.10am now.

If I don't hit the gym right after waking up tomorrow, I have to exercise double times on my next free day! :(